As a mother, my only real priority in life is making sure that my children are safe and taken care of…that they have a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, and clothes on their backs. But what I really want for them the most, is to always have a place to call “home.” Beyond four walls and a roof, I want to be able to provide them with the FEELING of “home.” But the basis of that special feeling, is comfort… and in the position that I’m in right now, both financially and in healing, comfort is a luxury that I cannot afford, and therefore cannot give them.
I constantly imagine my kids and I living what I would call a “normal” life – they go to school, I go to work, and at the end of the day, we all come together in the COMFORT of a HOME that is ours. With a safe, reliable vehicle that can get us wherever we need to go. And even just imagining it, gives me a sense of joy that I wish I could share with them – beyond just the words of me always telling them how things will be “when we get our own house.”
I need to show my sons that life isn’t supposed to be the constant pain and fear that it was when we were with their father. And to show them that our suffering can be a thing of the past. I need to provide them with an environment where they can simply just be kids…to laugh and play and live without worry.
But the fact of the matter is, I need help. I need help to get started and have a foundation on which I can build my sons the life that they deserve. Whether you can donate, share, or just pray for us…every little bit helps!!
Ten years ago, I married a man who I thought was wonderful. I could have never imagined the abuse that was to come. Like most abusers, he started with control and isolation that was masked as love. Then came the mental abuse that is so hard to recognize, as it comes on little by little, until one day you wake up and realize that you’re living in a hell of your own making….by staying, and by believing it would get better. I stayed for several years. During that time, I had 2 children, still believing we were just going through a “tough time” in our marriage. I remember being hit so hard on several occasions that I would pick my teeth up off of the floor, and tuck them into my jewelry box, hoping the dentist could fix them. Only to find out that my jaw had been shattered so severely that my teeth would just continue to break as the fractures spread, like a crack on a windshield, to the root of my teeth, and my only option was to get dentures at 25 years old. Soon after, during 2 separate altercations, my spine was broken in 2 places, as well as my wrist and ankle. And as crazy as it sounds, I had one more child after that. And while it wasn’t the best timing, I wouldn’t trade him for anything. When he was born, I had to have an elective c-section, because the doctors feared the stress of labor may paralyze me, due to the condition of my spine. By this point, I was afraid to leave, because I was terrified that my husband would get visitation of our kids, and they would not be safe, or he’d run away with them and I’d never see them again. But when the time came that he held a loaded gun to the head of our youngest son, I knew it was time to go. I waited until he left the house, and called my uncle to come get us. I couldn’t pack anything because I knew if I hadn’t left right then, I’d lose my nerve. We stayed in a shelter for a while, but we are now staying with my parents. When my husband found out that we were here, of course he showed up with a gun, threatening to kill us all, and the local SWAT team had to be dispatched to assist with our safety and his arrest. Now that we’re at my parents’ house, to be honest, my stepdad is the same type of narcissist my husband is. The verbal abuse on a daily basis is wearing on the hearts of my children and me. I have worked several jobs since being here, but with my back problems, there are some days I just can’t do it, or even get up. My stepdad tells my kids terrible things about me…that I’m a horrible mother because I can’t afford things, and calls me awful names. He tells them (and me) that he doesn’t want us in his house and we’ve got to move out. Behind closed doors, he is very inappropriate with me and he makes my kids and I uncomfortable, but we literally have nowhere else to go. My car broke down recently, and probably isn’t worth fixing. We do have a permanent restraining order against my husband, and the judge relinquished his parental rights. But being here is not much better for us. I need a reliable vehicle and to get help with a security deposit on an apartment. Of course I hate to have to ask strangers for help. but at this point, I don’t know what else to do. I do have my faith, and I’m trying my best to hold onto hope for the future!